Foraging natives might’ve been big fans of PBJs. Spread made from nuts, purée from berries.

Your mind can take you to amazing places. But so can your legs.

Linam original:

What do you call a Rabbi who gets lemon squeezed in his eye?

…

…

An acidic Jew.

If you spotted a Germanic warrior taking time out from slaughtering villagers to have tea, would you call him savage if he didn’t place a napkin on his lap?

From the mosquito’s perspective, the ankle is filet mignon. 

I usually assume people named Ron have ’90s Kurt Russell mullets. It’s pure coincidence Russell starred in Captain Ron.

“Some days I just have to put one foot in front of the other to keep the wheel spinning,” said the lonely hamster. 

“You should really splurge on some nice sheets.” (Things not to say at Brooklyn Ikea.)

Growing old is not for the young.

What a beautiful restroom experience. It’s like I was using the bathroom for the very first time again

(Not a good comparison)

Thank you, the Swiss. For your cheese and your cake rolls

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, I put on my big floppy shoes and rainbow-colored wig, and I think to myself.. dance clown. Dance.

I’m glad pterodactyls did not survive the ice age. Could not imagine work commute with those things swooping down always carrying people off

Sometimes I wonder why hard-boiled eggs are so funny. And then I don’t have an answer

Mountains are like big rocks that are pointy